My Life as a Boxed Wine

This wine is a drinkable manifestation of my life at the moment. And yes, that is 100% boxed wine in the Erewhon bottle. Is it still considered cold-pressed juice if the grapes are cold and have been pressed with a wine press?


I don’t know about you, but lately I’ve been feeling as though the air has been thick with plot twists and the winds of change.

Without getting into too much detail, I have somehow found myself in the position of making a whole lot of difficult decisions this week, and while I am completely positive the fruits of these decisions will taste sweet in the long run, I’m finding that the process of extracting that sweetness doesn’t come without a hearty helping of sourness, too. I’m finding that sourness to be a heck of an acquired taste.

This sentiment has been following me a lot lately, in both my personal life and professional life. And I must be allowing it to seep into my subconscious, too, because when I was shopping for groceries earlier this evening I inadvertently picked up the most perfect tangible manifestation of this theme at Trader Joe’s: a peculiar box of geometry-themed merlot called Postulate, the Third.

Since my transitions are not on point right now, I’m just gonna list the reasons why this wine is a drinkable manifestation of my life at the moment.

Its attempt to justify a connection between geometry and wine is a preeeeettyyy big stretch. Kind of like my approach to studying lately. (A for effort, though.) I’m not quite sure Euclid envisioned his postulates as wines, but this Postulate wine sure tried it. The back of this box reads, “Postulate, the Third. Any straight line can – and will – be the radius of a circle where one endpoint of said line is the center and the other the outer edge. Aged on oak (a blend of French and American) for a minimum of two months, this merlot encompasses flavors of dark berries and gentle spice. Its food-pairing ability is an ever expanding circle of influence (it goes with what you’ve got in mind).” I’m not entirely sure which is the line and which is the circle in the context of boxed merlot and consumption – are the flavors the radii, with the merlot being the endpoint at the center of your food circle? – but I identify with this valiant effort to justify a connection. It’s sort of like my struggle to justify studying on a Friday night for an ego-killing test in the name of personal development… ahem.

Its grapes give off an initially sour taste, but very quickly shift into a sweet, easily drinkable flavor. I’m hoping this is just a metaphor for how my next two weeks go, with the struggle of sour being  temporary and the sweet lasting a lot longer. If not… well, I’m just going to keep drinking until the sour turns sweet (“It” being the wine of life…? Sorry, that’s real cheesy… my poetic skills are struggling real hard right now. #triedit).

It conveniently features a spigot to allow for easy refilling at my study station. Okay, so this isn’t really a reason why the wine allegorically represents me as a person, but it is relevant to my current state of mind. I’ve been having a hard time keeping calm lately, and boxed wine with a spigot seems like it could be an effective antidote to all of that anxiety. Plus, it’s a nice accessory to my study/test-taking survival kit. Everyone has their own test-taking/study rituals – mine used to be eating a pre-test breakfast of bananas and peanut butter toast in college – but maybe this wine could be an alternative to that. And if I drink geometry-themed fermented juice, this means I’ll gain geometric knowledge, too, right? Right??

Come to think of it, it’s pretty sad that I’ve just proclaimed that a box of cheap geometry-themed wine from Trader Joe’s is pretty much my spirit animal at the moment. And part of me wishes that drinking this wine would actually make me smarter just by virtue of the box showing some random geometry postulate. But despite these realizations that I am identifying with an inanimate object, and that wishful thinking is, well, just wishful; I am okay with accepting those things for the time being. As author Paul Coelho once advised, one should “accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle.”

And that is exactly what I intend to do: taste a little bit of the wines of life; savor and appreciate them, whether sweet or sour; and even if some aren’t quite my favorite flavors… acknowledge that the palatably-challenged will give me the insight to find those from which I can drink the whole bottle. (Or box.) #whatamisaying


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