FROM THE DESK OF: Deo
Lucy is a French bulldog and Chimichanga is a cat. They live in a gorgeous two bedroom apartment in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, and, for the last week, I have been house sitting this place to take care of them while their parents are stuffing their faces with meatballs in Sweden. My friend’s refer to their apartment as “The Zoo”.
Lucy, The Goose
When she breathes, she sounds like a pig. When she snores, she sounds like your fat uncle. She also has an inverted tail and two buck teeth that stick out. She requires special attention too. You see, she has a UTI and has to take like five different medicines. Feeding her can feel like you’re cooking a meal for yourself because it takes a long time to put together her food. She has special indoor pee pads because of her UTI. It’s strange to walk a dog inside an apartment and then tell them to pee on a fancy paper towel, but she does it on command. She’s a handful, but she gives the best smooches. If I were a dog and had Tinder (for dogs), I’d swipe right. Instead, since I’m just a human, I’m swiping right with a paper towel to clean up her urine.
She thinks she’s a dog. I don’t even know if she’s ever met another cat, so she must have modeled her behavior from The Goose. For example, she could play fetch literally for hours. There is a ball of yarn and I throw it up this small stairs-like obstacle course that goes up to almost touch the ceiling and Chimichanga will fetch it and bring it back to you. Chimichanga can also get really annoying. Meows non stop. When she sees you opening food, she will paw you and meow and get in your face. She’s on a paleo diet (for real!) and her fur is the softest I’ve ever felt a cat. Oh did I mention she eats animal brain? Like a full brain. That must be why she’s so smart. I want to eat brain too, and be all like, E=MC2. Nailed it.
Amazon Echo has this device named Alexa and it is installed in this apartment. It is a voice activated command device. It will interact with you, play music, set alarms, tell you the weather, stream podcasts, and generally be a wise ass if you ask her the right question. In between talking to Lucy and Chimichanga, I often find myself talking to Alexa. Hey Alexa, play Django Reinhardt. Goddamnit Alexa I didn’t say tango music, I said Django Reinhardt. This is the most I’ve talked without another human being present and it’s kind of weird. All I need now is a volleyball. Wilsoooooooooon.
It kind of inspires me. Especially this 1930s type writer.
That’s all. Off to bed. Ciao.