Trapped in the Bathroom for 30 Minutes

trapped
help me, R Kelly

FROM THE DESK OF: Deo

The doorknob to my bathroom wouldn’t turn so I did what any man would do: I turned it harder. I had just finished showering so I was still wet, eager to get out of the bathroom and make coffee. I turned as hard as I could, because you know, brute strength always solves problems—but then the damn knob just… fell. Now I didn’t have a way of turning the door. I was trapped in the bathroom, R-Kelly style. Continue reading “Trapped in the Bathroom for 30 Minutes”

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A Letter to Time

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When Time isn’t around to remind you to make dinner, you end up scraping together your own Frankenstein dinner like this one: leftover rotisserie chicken, paired with watermelon cubes and a pack of raspberries that were on sale a couple of days ago.

FROM THE DESK OF: Nina

Hi Time,

I hope this finds you well!

It’s been awhile since we last talked, and I’m not sure if you remember me… but it’s Nina, one of those kids you used to babysit a long time ago. Y’know, the one who used to nag you all the time to move faster and assume you’d always be there for me as I simultaneously matured at my own glacial pace? Yep, that one.

Well, I’m writing to tell you that I’m, uh, sorry about all of that. I was a brat for taking you for granted and shoving you to move faster. Could you please come back and hold my hand again? I promise, I’ll let you move at your own pace. Promise!

Continue reading “A Letter to Time”

#MODERNROMANCE, TINDER GIFS EDITION

azizbookcover
Aziz Ansari

FROM THE DESK OF: Deo

Aziz Ansari wrote a book about modern romance. In it, he investigated how the internet and technology have affected modern relationships. He writes “Every one of us engages on a journey to find love and companionship. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection and truly love. This journey seems fairly standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago…. Some of our problems are unique to our time. ‘Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza? ‘Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos!!?’” This book was published last year, and since then, modern romance has evolved even further. For example, I’m about to go on a Tinder date—and I haven’t said one word to her. All communications thus far have been entirely in gifs. Continue reading “#MODERNROMANCE, TINDER GIFS EDITION”

Ode to Butter (Again!)

Salted_Butter
source: kerrygold

FROM THE DESK OF: Deo

I too love butter. I love butter so much that when I don’t see any in my fridge, I have a slight panic attack and start searching for it in all corners of the kitchen including the freezer, the bottom shelves, and irrational areas like the drawers where the knives are. I love butter so much I get butter withdrawals, start grunting like a cowboy and say things to myself like Butter, I swear. Okay fine, that’s not a thing, but I do base my grocery shopping on how much butter I have. I regularly open the fridge and take stock of the butter supply and think to myself something like: Okay I must have about three days of butter left, it’s almost time to go get food again. Continue reading “Ode to Butter (Again!)”

The Case of the Celebrity Hamster Ladder Class

FROM THE DESK OF: Nina

This past year, I’ve been getting into this thing I heard was good for me called “exercise” – maybe you’ve heard of it? – and it has changed my life for the better in so many ways.

But this post isn’t about my letter of appreciation to exercise; I’ll save that for another time (or maybe never, since that sounds kinda like it would be boring). No… this post is about one of the most unusual workout classes I have ever experienced. And I just so happen to be obsessed with it.

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Meet my friend, the VersaClimber… or what I like to call “the Celebrity Hamster Ladder.”

Continue reading “The Case of the Celebrity Hamster Ladder Class”

Fantastically Horrible Questions Asked in Pursuance of a Date (Yes, I’m Going There)

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‘New Currency’ by Sue Tsai. I’m sorry to say that this thumbnail does not do this artist justice. Please check out her other work at sue-tsai.com – her work is amazing.

FROM THE DESK OF: Nina

This week, I’m about to go somewhere I may deeply regret later (given the audience of this blog – lookin’ at you, Dear Family.).

I’m going to talk about dating.

(Aaaaaand here is the point where I open myself up to the possibility of endless ridicule and nosy, uncomfortable questions. What am I getting myself into…)

Continue reading “Fantastically Horrible Questions Asked in Pursuance of a Date (Yes, I’m Going There)”